A Long Recovery

It has been a long month filled with many challenges.  The knee surgery has been frought with problems from the beginning.  I recently recovered from a stitch abcess which became infected.  While at the Doctors, 3 times in one week it was determined that I was not reaching the range of motion that is desired at this point of recovery.  So tomorrow I meet with a new group of Physical Therapists to see if they can make the knee bend beyond 95 degrees.  If this is not successful then I would go back to the OR and under anesthesia the knee would be manipulated to 120 degrees.  Lets just hope that I can get this knee moving without having to have it manipulated.

So much has changed in the past month.  My oldest has moved to Connecticut to start her summer internship and prepare for her marriage in October.  I miss her dearly  She left for college in the fall of 2003 and moved back home last June.  In the six years on her own, she grew into a responsible and successful adult.  Moving home was just a pit stop to save money for the upcoming wedding.   I was happy to have her home, it was an opportunity for us to grow in a relationship as adults.  I will treasure the past year for this reason.  She has also been a major source of support in preparing the house for sale.  I honestly don't believe I could have done this without her help.

My youngest is off to college this fall, she will be attending her sisters' alma mater which was not her first choice but in this economy when you recieve almost full tuition to a top Engineering School you have to get beyond the thought that your following the leader.  She is a leader in her own right.   She will be spending the summer in Boston with her Irish twin sister (20 months difference in age but so close they could be twins).  This will be an exciting summer for both of them as they will be living in an apartment together for the first time in 2 years.   I will miss this summer with her, but she has worked so hard at school and at home helping me through these knee surgeries that she deserves a carefree summer before starting the next stage of her life.

The house is on the market and being shown for sale.  I'm still working on dismantling the house and reducing what I have.  For the past 2 weeks since I was finally able to sit for long periods has been sorting and shredding the family files for the past 27 years.   I have been the keeper of the paper.  I was also the one who cared for the parents to the end and also for 2 of my siblings.  As you might imagine reviewing all of these papers has brought up a well of emotion that has taken a toll on me.  As I shred this history it just brings back the losses that I have suffered in my life.   After 2 garage sales and getting rid of alot of things, I really wasn't upset about anything that I got rid of.  It was just things, but by reviewing and destroying the history has caused me to mourn so much.

I'm hoping that once I'm through these files, that I will be able to let go of the pain that they represent and start to look forward to the adventure that is ahead of me.