A Test in Courage

This morning we woke to driving snow with drifts about a foot deep on the ground. Route 80 was still closed heading East and we couldn’t access the internet. When we went to the office to ask about conditions on 80 we were told that it was pretty dangerous and that we might be snowed in for a few days. We wanted to shower but were told to come back after 2 pm when the staff was around since the showers were in the office, so we decided to go to town, find an auto parts store and get new wipers and fresh supplies of food. Just driving into town we realized that we didn’t even have all season tires. Now we are not idiots but the thought of being stuck in Rawlins for a few days was really unappealing, so we decided to go food shopping and ask God for a sign as to whether to go or not. As we came to the food store we saw the entrance to 80 East. We went shopping and talked to some locals to find that the road was open but only to high priority traffic. We decided to chance it but I will admit I was scared. I called the girls and I hate to say it but I was weepy and told them what we were going to do and that if anything happened that we loved them and how to get into the safety deposit box and where the important papers were.

I decided I had to drive to face my fear of going. For the next 96 miles I faced some pretty tough driving but nothing that I couldn’t handle. Yes, we did experience wind gusts of 45 mph and some slick road surfaces and snow, but to be honest, I imagined much worse then what it turned out to be. In the past few years, I realize that I have been fearful of so many things, diagnoses, finances, jobs, starting a business and in each case what I imagined has been far worse than what has actually happened. I have been living my life preparing for the worst and while that has been helpful considering the state of things in the world right now, I wouldn’t call it living.

We made it through to Cheyenne and beyond. Having gotten a late start we kept driving and managed to reach Grand Island, Nebraska. Once we were out of the Rockies, the terrain changed to rolling hills and we were at the beginning of the plains. We still experienced high winds but the Rialta handled it like a dream. I relinquished the wheel and had a series of phone calls with all 3 daughters. The realization that no matter where I am, I am still connected to these wonderful and fascinating people is very reassuring to me. I am realizing that they can reach out to me for advice as well as just to check in to see how I am. Where I am will not matter to the relationship that we have. That is a huge revelation for me and very comforting.

I also realized that my partner in crime has had my back from the beginning. He has not allowed me to fail. He has supported me in this decision without trying to smother me. Everything we have encountered we have sorted out together and his ideas and perspective has been invaluable. I thank him for that.

I will sign off, having had my shower and ready for bed in a lovely KOA campground in Grand Isle. Our hope for tomorrow is to push through Iowa, Illinois and find a camp ground in Indiana tomorrow night.